Brothers - Page 1

I…. I awake. There is a rushing in and out of me. My mouth is open and I seem to be straining with some sort of function. It’s… Breathing? There is… Light… Color… Blurred, but color in this light nonetheless. I feel… I feel new. I feel naked. I feel young. I am born. I am surprised by everything. I do not know if I should know what being born means. There is doubt and certainty in every though… Every feeling… Everything is unknown to me. But even still everything seems familiar. It feels like… a dream. A dream I have lived through. My eyes are watery. There is a pain and an unknown sensation running through my body. My flesh is… What is flesh!

Where am I!? Who am I!? What is happening…
My eyes adjust to this world. A giant thing is somewhere in my eyes. It is not in front of me, or when I turn my head. But it is large. It is a… blanket. No blanket is something else I think. Something I can wrap myself with if I sleep. What is sleep!
Why do I know and not know what is happening. This awakening or being born is… Strange.
I am scared… I think that is the feeling. I start to feel myself connecting with all these words, feelings and thoughts. I slowly understand the nature of these things. A millennium of knowledge comes to me. It was waiting. But things are more certain now than uncertain. I know every word. I know every feeling. I understand everything that was scaring me. It’s like I’ve learnt everything over thousands of years; yet it all came to me in a span of minutes, slowly working its way through my memory. I can sense information slipping back into old lost connections. The only things still unknown are this Great thing in my eyes and where I got all this knowledge from. As if these things were so known to me at an earlier time that I overlooked them before, and hence don’t need to remember them right now.

I’m alone… But I don’t entirely feel alone. There’s a comfort somewhere. There’s a presence of someone. I can feel someone. I can feel the great thing. I can feel the two people in the great thing! There’s a presence all around me. Is it the great thing? It really is like a blanket. But it’s not a blanket! I can’t touch it! I can move my hands and feet; they feel new too. But I can’t feel this great thing with them. What is it!?
I close my eyes. I can see it clearly now, this great thing, as if I were staring right at it. I open my eyes again and find that it was just as it was before I had closed my eyes, but it was definitely clearer and defined when my eyes were closed. So it’s something inside me? It’s a spiritual blanket? I guess blanket would have to do for now as a description. I close my eyes again. I try to figure out what distinct qualities or features this spiritual blanket has. It was initially just a dark looming veil that flowed ever so slightly. Not flowing because of air, but as if it was itself not solid. Now I see, it’s a black smoky kind of substance. It has a bluish-white center that seems to be pulsing ever-so-gently in its contrast and with its size in the black. The phenomenon is like a slow yet great heartbeat. I feel comfortable, even though I’m straining to see it’s every detail with my eyelids closed shut! I wonder if human eyes were made to be able to look on the inside of the being itself.

Human… Human? My mind sees me as a human; an upright creature with intellect beyond that of most other creatures on a planet known as Earth. But I somehow don’t believe that simple characterization as applicable to myself. I wonder why… Physically, I’m exactly as a human being should be.

The Illusion - Page 3

With the beams of my car shut-off I now realize how dark it is. I can’t see who it is, or exactly where the gate-keeper was… But the person standing in the gateway was slender and the corners of the silhouettes’ body were flowing… Like flapping material wrapped around a skinny figure… Just 19, and still with a presence that isn’t easily forgotten… It was her of course… The body structure told it all… Even the expression that was probably on her face… A look darting between worry and calm admiration… She found me in the dark, far more quickly than I had expected her to… The moonlight began to light the night more prominently as my eyes adjusted to the environment. She moved out of the passage… Walked closer… She stopped directly in front of me... Too close for socially appropriate situations… It didn’t make sense, she wasn’t bothered by the gate-keeper who was probably watching… But she was always so careful in front of people. She didn’t care? Before my mind could wander on any more, she reached a little out and touched my face… And said: hi…

Her voice was milky… It gave me a deep feeling of her having some amount of longing for me… I was euphoric… I think… More lost in translation between what was happening with the universe and my body to give me this moment of connection with her… It was definitely a dream… Her touch was gentle and warm… Clasping the left side of my jaw in a warm cushion… I opened my mouth slightly… To some part, afraid that my saying anything would drive this miracle of a feeling away… But nothing came out anyway… I could see her eyes looking just a little up, at mine. I looked into her wide gaze and felt slightly intimidated… It seemed to hold me strongly and, in the deep, comfortingly… I closed my mouth and smiled… She let out a small cough of pleasure and smiled too… My grin grew larger, after which I felt silly and looked down momentarily. I looked up again, into her calm stare, and said: hi… I missed you…

I could’ve spent all night right there in my euphoria bubble, standing next to her in the cool breeze … But I realized that a more important task lay ahead. So I grasped her right hand and moved it away from my cheek, and guided it like a small nudge, toward my car. And I said, Let’s go? To which she nodded gently and smiled, and walked across to the other side of my car. I walked to the driver’s side, and got in just a few seconds after she did. I couldn’t believe tonight was actually happening! And with someone like me!? What does she see in me? She’s such a fool… Maybe she’ll end all this once she gets bored, or one of her other friends wins the “date an ugly moron” bet. Ah I could think of a hundred reasons for her not to be with someone like me… It seemed too perfect… She was too perfect for me… Even if she broke my heart with whatever experiment she was trying or whatever joke she was playing on me, I’d still make her as happy as I could… She deserved it.

The car had felt uncomfortably cold on my journey here but just a few seconds with her already made it so much more welcoming. I robotically put the key in, switched on the lights and started out onto the road, all the while looking at her. She was watching me too, but turned her gaze toward the road. That’s right, I was being reckless… The road, THE ROAD…! I was so easily distracted because of her. Her beauty was both cute and mesmerizing, at the least, but I stared at her so much because of who she was; her aura was always pulsing out to me like it was a beacon for me. I quickly, but unwillingly looked forward as well.

The Illusion - Page 2

I see the turning ahead on the left that leads down to the lane where her apartment building is. If I want to turn back, I can only do it now. I start to slow down, to the proper pace for a turning, and head for the turning on the right in order to make a U-turn and head back home away from my foolish aspirations.

I’m 10 feet away from the turn… Tears well up… I’ve been such a fool… It’s only been a few months after all, and I thought it felt like years in my ignorance. I’ve probably just imagined everything between us, and misunderstood everything that she’s ever said to me. Taken things for granted, and gone along with my ignorance in order to find comfort. And why comfort? What have I done or lost? Nothing… I’ve made bubbles of pity and loss for myself… I am my own problem… The world is innocent, in contrast to what I’ve blamed it for so many times. Life is beautiful, and I mar it myself… Pathetic… That’s the kindest thing I can say for myself…

I’m around 7 feet away now I suppose… Every second of progress with my car, has been a blow to my emotional and mental capacities. Sigh… It’s all about me… Always is... I whine so much… I look across to the other side of the road, where the street turns into her lane… I take a breath... I feel two things simultaneously… One is a lump in my throat… And the other is a small flurry in my right side pant pocket.

I stop about 3 feet away from the turn-point… I swallow part of the lump lodged in my saliva pipe and try to relax myself… Hah! What would she or anyone else think of me? I get over that thought very quickly, because I didn’t want to know the answer to that question. I wonder what the slight spark of life in my jean’s pocket was. It can’t be my phone… I don’t remember taking it… And even if it was, who’d try to contact me at 4:04am…!? I put my hand on-top of the pocket… It’s definitely my phone… But how’d it get there? Was I really that lost whilst I was preparing for tonight? Who knows what else I would’ve forgotten; maybe tonight won’t be perfect after all. I squeeze down on my pocket towards the opening, where the phone finally pops out. I had received a message… I open it… It’s from her… I start to go numb at the tips of my fingers, as excitement , wonder and worry take over me… The message reads: Where are you? You coming na?
I couldn’t believe it… Not only was she up, but she was waiting! My eyes were watering again… Such a baby… Haha… I smile and wipe my face… I reply: Nearly there…Come down…I give the indicator and go left, instead of right, towards her street. This new development left me feeling like having a cup of hot cocoa when I have a sore-throat or flu… All warm inside… God I’m such a sissy…

I reach the outside gate of her apartments… The gate-keeper doesn’t know me, he won’t let me in. He sees my car approaching and walks over to me once I stop a few paces from the gate. He asks me my name in a quiet and respective manner. I’m taken aback… I fumble with words and finally clear my head and throat, and give him my name. He nods and walks back to the gate, before opening it silently. I’m still confused and amazed… He wanted me to go in? Just because I told him my name? Either he’s confused me with someone else or this is just a game… I’m slightly scared and all hairs are on end… What’s going on!? He doesn’t do anything, as if he’s waiting… Waiting for what? The gate isn’t opened far enough for me to go through… Maybe I can only walk in… So I play along… I kill the engine and get out of the car… As soon as I get out, an image walks into the center of the opened gate.