The Illusion - Page 2

I see the turning ahead on the left that leads down to the lane where her apartment building is. If I want to turn back, I can only do it now. I start to slow down, to the proper pace for a turning, and head for the turning on the right in order to make a U-turn and head back home away from my foolish aspirations.

I’m 10 feet away from the turn… Tears well up… I’ve been such a fool… It’s only been a few months after all, and I thought it felt like years in my ignorance. I’ve probably just imagined everything between us, and misunderstood everything that she’s ever said to me. Taken things for granted, and gone along with my ignorance in order to find comfort. And why comfort? What have I done or lost? Nothing… I’ve made bubbles of pity and loss for myself… I am my own problem… The world is innocent, in contrast to what I’ve blamed it for so many times. Life is beautiful, and I mar it myself… Pathetic… That’s the kindest thing I can say for myself…

I’m around 7 feet away now I suppose… Every second of progress with my car, has been a blow to my emotional and mental capacities. Sigh… It’s all about me… Always is... I whine so much… I look across to the other side of the road, where the street turns into her lane… I take a breath... I feel two things simultaneously… One is a lump in my throat… And the other is a small flurry in my right side pant pocket.

I stop about 3 feet away from the turn-point… I swallow part of the lump lodged in my saliva pipe and try to relax myself… Hah! What would she or anyone else think of me? I get over that thought very quickly, because I didn’t want to know the answer to that question. I wonder what the slight spark of life in my jean’s pocket was. It can’t be my phone… I don’t remember taking it… And even if it was, who’d try to contact me at 4:04am…!? I put my hand on-top of the pocket… It’s definitely my phone… But how’d it get there? Was I really that lost whilst I was preparing for tonight? Who knows what else I would’ve forgotten; maybe tonight won’t be perfect after all. I squeeze down on my pocket towards the opening, where the phone finally pops out. I had received a message… I open it… It’s from her… I start to go numb at the tips of my fingers, as excitement , wonder and worry take over me… The message reads: Where are you? You coming na?
I couldn’t believe it… Not only was she up, but she was waiting! My eyes were watering again… Such a baby… Haha… I smile and wipe my face… I reply: Nearly there…Come down…I give the indicator and go left, instead of right, towards her street. This new development left me feeling like having a cup of hot cocoa when I have a sore-throat or flu… All warm inside… God I’m such a sissy…

I reach the outside gate of her apartments… The gate-keeper doesn’t know me, he won’t let me in. He sees my car approaching and walks over to me once I stop a few paces from the gate. He asks me my name in a quiet and respective manner. I’m taken aback… I fumble with words and finally clear my head and throat, and give him my name. He nods and walks back to the gate, before opening it silently. I’m still confused and amazed… He wanted me to go in? Just because I told him my name? Either he’s confused me with someone else or this is just a game… I’m slightly scared and all hairs are on end… What’s going on!? He doesn’t do anything, as if he’s waiting… Waiting for what? The gate isn’t opened far enough for me to go through… Maybe I can only walk in… So I play along… I kill the engine and get out of the car… As soon as I get out, an image walks into the center of the opened gate.