Brothers - Page 2

So I’m not entirely human? What am I then… I try to focus on my thoughts to find some buried answer in my mind. Is there a word for me? Alien? Ghost? How do I even know I’m not human! For Siniaar ‘s sake I was just born! Or reawakened.. Or whatever just happened to me a few minutes ago! Why do I know so much and still know nothing!? How!…………… Wait, what… What’s Siniaar…? I’m afraid I know exactly what it is, and of course have no idea. This is really getting on my nerves now! Ow! What was that? I.. I was angry.. I was really angry… Just a few seconds ago… And a flash like lightning ran across the spiritual blanket!? How stupid and random is that! I think I’m just a regular human being with some sort of mental disorder and a retina infection. Yup. That’s it. I’m a deranged person. That explains this business of waking up alone in a forest with black and blue things in my eyes, and not knowing and somehow knowing everything at the same time.

Ow! Another flash! I’m positive that was the same sort of thing that happened before; flash of lightning in my eye, or the great thing, whatever the hell is happening in whatever thing. But just like before, it didn’t hurt me. I didn’t feel anything really, not even the first time. There wasn’t any electricity, sound, heat or pain. Then why am I constantly saying Ow!? I think I’m just scared or I’m really ill, in any case I need to stop flinching. That’s clearly not helping with anything. But in my defense the bloody flash is pretty bright for something to happen inside my body! And I wasn’t feeling any anger this second time! I don’t think anger had anything to do with it in the first place.

I need to stay calm. I seem to be losing it right now, even though I was just fine moments ago once I was born, or whatever happened then. I’m actually a little impressed I was so calm after waking up, but this fit of freaking out right now is sort of pathetic. So, staying calm… I close my eyes again… I take a long, slow breath. I can see the great thing in defined perception again. It’s… different? There IS something different about it. I focus on its every detail again. It seems disturbed; as if it got stretched very slightly in two places. The bluish-white center has small two small cracks, or snaky like extensions leading out of it. One at the top and one at... My thoughts are cut off abruptly as my shut eyes perceive a strange phenomenon in all its majesty... A flash of light again! I’m glad I didn’t flinch this time. With my eyes closed, and with the great thing in proper contrast, the flash of light was overwhelming. The great thing almost disappeared in a white haze for a few moments. My vision was a complete emptiness. I opened my eyes and saw the night sky above me, with the leaves on the tall trees right above of me, swaying gently in the night breeze. The poor image of the spiritual blanket in my open eyes was starting to return to a very dull version of itself. I close my eyes again. The spiritual blanket is there again, but……! No way! There’s a third crack now!? One at the top and two at the bottom edges, forming a slight triangle from the once slightly round bluish-white area. So these flashes of light are somehow defining a shape for the bluish-white area? But what’s causing the flashes? For all I can tell it’s a random occurrence. I really hope it isn’t though; I don’t want to have to deal with flashes in my mind from time to time.

I was angry the first time a flash occurred, maybe I should get angry again? That’s pretty stupid actually. I have no reason to believe anger had anything to do with the flashes of light. But then again, I would like some answers right now. I should try it just in case, I mean I’d rather figure everything I possibly can before worrying about why I’m still lying down in some forest completely alone. My eyes are still closed; all I need to do is concentrate on being angry. Reason to be angry: I have no clue about anything that’s happening right now, and so far only more questions are coming up! In what world or circumstance do things like this happen to someone!

The Illusion - Page 4

The car lolled forward on the road. Call it whatever you want, but i was trying to maximize my time with her. I was probably driving even slower, than when i was coming to her apartments. I was slightly losing touch with my surroundings. Even in slow motion everything seemed to blur slightly around the edges. Could she really have such power over me....? To cause my world itself to slowly fade away...? Maybe it was because i had never been with someone before... Maybe it was because i had prayed for the chance to do this very thing... To be in the presence of someone who, (to my perception), loved me as passionately, undeniably and unequivocally as I loved her... For there to be, "someone who completes me". Or maybe... It was simply because i was a "background" person in life. The "extra" in my own production of "Life"... An emotional and masochistic low-life. Maybe i was just having a terribly hard time accepting the reality of what my life was now. That i was in Love... That I... was Loved... Or maybe i'm just messed-up in the head, and am taking normal things to titanic heights. Alas, I'll never know why i felt so, or what i did... But it was the best night... No.. The best experience... NO...! The best thing that ever happened to my life...

The radio-clock displayed 4:45am, and i was still far from my intended destination. I shut out all my thoughts and queries, and forced down on the accelerator. I was running against time to achieve tonight's mission, and i needed every fiber of my mind and body to keep on track. I could feel her body-heat slowly spreading on my left side. It was like an unfair tease... I craved to stop the car right there and take her in my arms… Just to hold her.. To bask in the enlightenment that she existed and wanted to be claimed as mine. But i ignored this thirst... It could wait. I decided i needed a distraction, and immediately turned on the radio. 1973 by James Blunt starts to play... A favorite of ours... Oh Lord... Am i truly this blessed...? I look towards her, and see a smile of complete understanding spread across her face. She reaches over and grasps the hand i had placed over the gear-shift. She squeezes it lightly and says "I Love you"... Her voice is slightly strained. Out of alarm, I look over properly and see that her eyes are drooping... "I love you more"... i said, "Why don't you rest.. I'll wake you up when we're there... It's a bit of a drive"... She nodded and laid her head back on the seat... Her eyes close, and peace stretches over her features... How long since she's slept properly...? Has she been taking care of her sister's child every night? Overworked in university, and under-appreciated at home... Has she been getting time for herself...? Or just been saying so to me...? Ah.... I am a problem for her... Sleep is a much better alternative than an evening, (well.. early morning), trip with me. I would turn back and see her safely to her bed. But even she had to make preparations for tonight. So I abandon my idea and drive on... Tonight can't go to waste.